Becoming His
by ohtobealady
Summary: Beginning with the night of their wedding, Cora anticipates and then experiences becoming Robert's new wife. Pre-Canon; Rated M
1. Chapter 1

Cora had arrived at Downton with a greeting of cheers and a cascade of flowers from the local tenants and staff of the house. Exhilaration surged through her young body at the sight of it, and she had inadvertently smiled wildly, her clear blue eyes dancing with the mass of people outside of her new home.

_My new home_, she thought incredulously. This was to be her new life – one so very different from the one in America. And while anxious at the prospect, as she was this morning before the wedding, a tender joy had grown within in. He was hers. This house was her home. These people were happy to see her. These thoughts had thumped away in her mind as she threw all of her excitement onto him – her new husband - but then felt her heart drop at the sight of him. He had been sitting closer to the other carriage door than to her, placidly observing the spectacle that had thrilled her so. And although after feeling her gaze upon him he had turned and grinned, she knew it had been out of courtesy. Thus the elation she had felt was suddenly curdled again into the anxiety she had felt before.

She didn't know much of her new husband. She had come to learn over the course of their brief courtship that he was sincere and he was kind. He seemed the loyal sort, and he did seem to strive to make her comfortable. These things she knew, but she also knew something more. He did not love her. Her mother had constantly reminded her of this ever since he had proposed marriage. After all, there were other men with better titles after her – well, after her money – that wouldn't have insisted upon signing such a binding document tying her entire fortune into their estates. But she had insisted upon him. Truth be told, she had fallen for him. His boyish curls, the way his endlessly blue eyes grew warm when he smiled, and the joy he exuded when speaking of his home had completely captivated her heart.

In fact, even now, hours since their arrival from the church, she felt herself grow warm at the thought of him. Surely there was some apprehension, but she was sure that she was in love.

"Anything else, milady?" her maid asked, fluffing her long dark curls a final time. Cora looked at the maid through the mirror of her vanity and then back down at her own reflection.

"No, that'll be all," she breathed. She felt a small, reassuring squeeze on her shoulder. At the polite gesture, Cora's eyes flitted back up at the maid's reflection and caught the whisper of a grin playing at the corner of her mouth. Cora attempted to return the grin, but instead there escaped a bottled up, shaky breath. It was dense with anticipation made of two parts. One of which was fear of what it would be like to officially become his wife, and the other was the excitement she felt to be so utterly close to him.

Her maid, seeming to notice this, opened her mouth to speak, but a small knock at the door interrupted the tension instead. At it, Cora's breath caught in her chest and she felt her heart grow thicker and pound loudly against her ribs and in her ears.

Robert stepped in, dressed in his dressing gown and pajamas. His hair was less tidy than she had ever seen it and she noticed, shyly, a very tiny peek of skin where his neck met his chest.

The maid wordlessly and swiftly left the room, and as she did so, Cora stood to meet her husband.

A hot wave of embarrassment washed over her as she realized he could probably see straight through her white nightgown. However, to his credit and her relief, he didn't appear to be gaping at her, but instead looked a little like he felt exposed and embarrassed himself.

They stood there for a moment or two, a room apart. Then, as if gathering courage, Robert stepped closer to the bed and removed his dressing gown. With her heart now undoubtedly trying to escape her breast, she mirrored his actions and stepped noiselessly to the bed. She sat on the edge of it, taking off her house shoes. As she did so, she was conscious of the mattress moving beneath her, increasing her apprehension. She had never been in bed with a man, not even her father or brother, and the thought of it made her stomach fill with nervous butterflies.

After pulling a breath, she laid back, her dark curls spreading over the pillow, and looked up at him. She noted he was now undoubtedly gaping at her. She studied his face, feeling warm again as her eyes fell on his lashes, his shadowy stubble, and his slightly parted lips. He seemed to be deciding something privately for a moment, absent-mindedly staring at her body. Then, with sudden decisiveness, he dimmed the gas lamp on his side of the bed, leaving a dim glow from her side – enough light to just see one another, but nothing beyond.

He was sitting up beside her, then, looking down at her. He moved over just a tad and touched her arm.

_Oh God_. Cora felt goose bumps spread over her and her chest began to rise and fall tumultuously. _Oh God_, she prayed again, and this time closed her eyes for a moment to relax her breathing. He tugged the tiniest bit on her arm, beckoning her to inch closer to the center of the bed. She did so, and then waited for further directions.

At this, he moved in between her, guiding her legs apart with his hands, legs, and then hips. She drew up her knees and her dress fell to her gender. Again, she drew a deep slow breath, calming her fearfully eager heart. He glanced down at her exposed body, then quickly back up to her eyes. They locked eyes for a moment and it made her want to cry. She couldn't say why, she couldn't pinpoint the reason, and before she was able to, he looked away and then it was him who took the next shaky breath.

As he began fumbling with his bottoms, she looked past him into the dark toward the ceiling. She was curious, but a little too intimidated to look at him the way he had at her.

She felt him still his movements and she braced herself for it, closing her eyes and trying to relax her body. Instead, however, she felt his lips softly brush her cheek. Her lids flew open and caught his gaze. His expression was soft and she felt drawn to him. She brought a hand to his face and rested it there, trying to assure him and herself of – well, she wasn't sure. That it would be all right? That this union that was so evenly matched in convenience, yet so unevenly matched in sentiment would somehow work? She needed convincing of this as well as she steadied her trembling hand against his cheek.

He closed his eyes at her touch and exhaled. He stayed still for a moment longer as she moved her hand away, and then it happened. He moved inside her. It wasn't romantic nor tender as she had somehow imagined. Rather, it was hurried and lonely. He didn't look at her as he moved above, and within her, and it hurt.

As he began to move faster, a small whimper disobediently left her lips and he stopped suddenly, alarmed, and took in her face with wide eyes.

She knew it was pointless to say otherwise, and so embarrassed, trembling, and in pain, she smiled at her new husband, and fought tears. She felt him lean closer to her and for a moment her heart began to flutter as she suspected her may kiss her. She closed her eyes and waited for his lips on hers, but instead felt the sting of him move again and heard his breath in her ear. She bit her bottom lip hard, then, and squeezed her eyes tightly as tears began to burn her eyes. _No_, she commanded.

His breath quickened and his body grew rigid above her, when suddenly he exhaled loudly and dropped his head to her shoulder.

He stayed like that for a moment, and Cora not knowing what else to do, and feeling his moistened forehead through her thin nightgown, brought her hand up to his hair and placed it lightly behind his ear. At her touch, he quickly pulled away from her, which produced another gasp from Cora; and after averting his eyes from his wife, he fixed his pants, grabbed his housecoat and rushed quickly from her room.

She was left there alone. She felt her lip began to tremble and her vision blurred with tears. She was his now. It had happened. She sat up slowly, feeling a new soreness between her legs, and inspected the sheets. A drop of pale red had spread through the fibers and made her flush with embarrassment.

She looked to Robert's door, then, suddenly feeling a strange emptiness. Oh, how desperately she loved him.

"I won't think about it now," she whispered to herself. She fell asleep curled alone in her new bed, her face buried within the pillows.


	2. Chapter 2

It was the sound of the drapes being pulled open that woke her. She pulled in a deep breath and stretched the muscles in her back; peeking through a haze of dark lashes and midnight hair. She pulled her sheet closer as the morning sun poured into the room.

"Good morning, milady," her maid greeted her briskly.

_Milady_, Cora repeated silently and grinned into her pillow, in spite of herself, at the foreign title that was now her own. She ran her fingers across her cheekbone, pulling near her eye and craned her neck to see her maid.

"I am so sorry to wake you, but Lord Downton was down at breakfast and I thought perhaps…"

"Oh," Cora gruffly interrupted, turning her face from her maid. She suddenly felt embarrassed as the image of Robert fleeing from her room stung her instantly at the sound of his name.

Her maid paused. "Er…yes, milady. I thought perhaps you'd like to breakfast now and then be dressed. He was with his Lordship, though I believe her Ladyship and Lady Rosamund are down now as well."

Cora exhaled into her pillow. "Oh, God."

Her maid stopped in front of her bed and gave her a small smile. "Well, he did seem to be smiling more than usual."

Cora felt her face grow hot and a smile involuntarily spread across her lips.

"I'll be back up with your tray, milady," she added softly before leaving.

Cora turned to her stomach and looked forward toward the headboard, her smile staining her mouth. Biting her bottom lip, she pushed some of her dark tresses out of her face and brushed them back with her hand. _So maybe he did like me_, she thought.

* * *

After rushing through her breakfast, Cora was dressed in a deep blue satin dress, adorned with small mother of pearl buttons at the wrists and up the forearms. She smoothed the white lace at her collar in the mirror and tucked a stray curl back into its place. She looked her reflection over and decided, with a nod, she looked very much like a viscount's wife and hoped that Robert would think so too.

She found her way to the stairs and descended them slowly, taking in all of the surroundings she had seen only a couple of times before. The first time, she had come for a week when Robert invited her with her mother. It had been at the close of the summer season of last year and she had "foolishly", as her mother put it, accepted the offer over an exclusive dinner party in London. It was at the end of their stay that he had proposed in the gardens.

She paused at the landing of the stairs to study a large painting of a previous earl. She tilted her head slightly, wondering amusedly if one day her son would have a portrait hanging here.

"Is this an American custom, to sleep until noon the day after your wedding?"

Cora spun and looked down at her mother-in-law. Tall, lean, and lovely, she didn't look at Cora at all and instead pulled a glove onto her hand.

"Lady Grantham," Cora greeted her with some surprise and came down the steps toward her. "No, I mean to say, of course it's not a custom. I've only been admiring all the…"

"Everyone at Downton abides by a schedule," Violet chided, still adjusting her glove, "and since it appears that you are to be at Downton…" at this Violet looked up at Cora and continued with an air of exasperation, "…forever…I suggest you learn your part."

"Oh. You'll help me, then?" Cora appealed sweetly, albeit naively.

Violet let out a small chortle and looked Cora up and down, "One cannot turn a stone into a feather."

Cora pursed her lips and looked down, unsure exactly what that meant or how to respond.

"Ah, what's this? I didn't realize you were down, my dear." Robert's father entered the hall, hat in hand, and smiling warmly at Cora.

"Good morning, Lord Grantham. I apologize for not being down earlier, it's only…"

"Good heavens, girl, no need to apologize! I wasn't expecting you or Robert to come down at all today."

"Oh for goodness sake. There's no need for vulgarity, Patrick," Violet firmly admonished.

Her father-in-law seemed oblivious to the shade of crimson Cora had turned as he took Violet's arm in his own and began to lead her toward the front door. "And suppose you call me Patrick, or better still, Papa!" he threw over his shoulder as he and Violet left toward the carriage. Cora could hear Violet mutter under her breath something about Lady Grantham suiting her just fine.

Feeling a little like she'd prefer to go back upstairs, Cora turned again to move when Robert came through the dining room threshold. To her relief, he smiled when he saw her, though he didn't cross the room.

"So you've said hello to Mama," he jested, raising his eyebrows and nodding toward the door.

Cora laughed politely and lowered her lashes, "Yes, but I must say, she doesn't seem to like me much."

"Ah, that's just Mama. I'm not sure if she likes anyone, really," he laughed too.

Cora grinned again, although she wasn't sure if his statement made her feel any better.

They stood silent for more than a few moments, during which time Cora fumbled through polite conversational pieces in her mind, unsure why it was harder to speak to him now than when they had first met.

"You look very nice," she heard him say lowly.

She brought her eyes up to Robert's and felt a blush spread across her cheeks.

"Thank you." Her heart pounded in her chest like a drum. She wondered if she looked different to him now than before…before last night.

"I feel I need to tell you…" he blurted suddenly and walked across the room until he was inches away from her, so close she could smell the scent of him. Suddenly the memory of his lips against her cheek, the weight of his forehead on her shoulder, and the feel of his skin between her thighs inundated her thoughts.

"I need to tell you…" he repeated in hushed tones and searched her clear cerulean eyes.

Robert leaned in even closer until she could faintly feel his breath on her skin.

"Yes?" she managed.

Cora watched Robert's eyes take in every part of her face and settle on her slightly parted lips. _Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me_, she voicelessly pleaded, her chest rising and falling against his.

"I…" at that moment a footman trotted noisily across the floor through to the dining room.

Robert broke away immediately, turning away from her and escaping from the room with such speed that Cora barely had time to react.

"Robert?" she called after him hopefully. The front door slammed shut. She looked around the Great Hall, a room that she felt so unfamiliar in but was now to be part of her home; the emptiness she had felt last night crept into her belly and then her throat, creating a lump there.

Cora began to ascend the stairs, truly wanting to be back in her room now. "If it isn't my dear sister," she heard Rosamund beam from behind her. Cora paused on the stair and shut her eyes, willing herself to turn to face her. She was strolling in from the dining room straight over to Cora. She grasped Cora's hands in her own and squeezed. "I trust you slept well?" she smirked looking up into Cora's, surely tired, face.

Cora nodded absent-mindedly.

"I'm glad," Rosamund drew out the words, obviously hinting at something other than slumber.

Rosamund laced Cora's arm through her own and led her through to the drawing room. "Tell me, sister. What plans have you and my brother, pardon me -_your husband_, planned today? Is he taking you into the village? A picnic perhaps?"

Cora shook her head no and knitted her brows. _My husband doesn't want anything to do with me, _she answered silently.

* * *

Aside from their meeting in the Great Hall, sitting near one another at dinner, and a few polite walks through the gardens, accompanied by Rosamund, Cora hadn't seen her new husband in three days and nights. They were to leave on their honeymoon tomorrow and the thought of this made her stomach lurch. A month alone with a man who could barely look her in the eyes was a terrifying prospect, especially considering the longing she felt to be near him.

Cora rolled onto her side in bed and hugged the pillow beside her. Thus far married life had been a teasing torture. How unfair it all was, to sit at dinner and be witness to the tender glances between her new in-laws while her newlywed husband could hardly glance her way. She'd caught him staring at her earlier while in the library with his parents and sister. A little shocked, she smiled at him sweetly, praying he'd return the gesture. Instead, as if embarrassed that he was caught, he looked away quickly, back into his book, and cleared his throat. She glanced around, seeing each person independently enjoying his own pursuits. She slowly felt her chest tense up with anger and her eyes begin to burn, threatening tears. She clenched the book lying on her lap tightly, so tightly, in fact, her knuckles turned white. She had given up everything for him: her friends, her home, her money – all for him and his unappreciative family. In a hot blur, she let out a frustrated, "Robert!" threw down her book, and practically ran from the room without making any excuses. On her way out she heard her mother-in-law's voice trickling over the quiet, "I told you, Robert. Marrying _that girl_ was a mistake."

And now, hours later, she found herself curled up in her bed, in a dimly lit room, revisiting her mother-in-law's words over and over in her mind. Her cheeks wet, her nose runny, and her throat sore from crying, she realized that it was the first time in quite a while that she longed for her mother's embrace. This realization brought on another wave of tears and she turned to her back and took a deep breath to calm herself.

After stilling her quivering lip and drawing in calming breaths, she became aware of the soft rain tapping against the windows of her room. Oddly, the sound calmed her even further and she lay still in her bed, eyes closed, focusing on the noise giving her company.

After a moment, however, three small knocks broke the pattern of the rain. She opened her eyes and searched around the room, not entirely convinced that she heard the sound. However, another three knocks drew her eyes to Robert's dressing room door. The door cracked open just a bit, bright light spilling onto her floor and onto the foot of her bed.

She sat up instantly, clutching her sheets and covering her body.

"Oh. I didn't realize…I'll leave you…" he began.

"Yes?" she heard herself welcoming him into her room. She felt like kicking herself.

"I didn't realize you were already asleep. I'm sorry to wake you." He stood awkwardly in the threshold of her room, looking around a little as he spoke. "It's only I was hoping, or rather, would like," he cleared his throat, "That is, I'd like to have a word with you."

Cora's mouth fell slightly agape and she raised her brows, shocked that he was even here in the first place. She consciously checked her expression, though, and pressed her lips together. She looked to Robert and then stared down at the clutched sheet in her hands.

"Oh," she barely heard the sound she intended to make, "of course."

Robert was quiet and even after the invitation he lingered in the doorway for what seemed like an eternity.

"Cora…"

Although barely above a whisper, Cora's heart stopped. The sound of her first name in his mouth was not something she was really used to hearing yet, and every time it happened she felt like she was floating.

"Do you mind?" he asked, almost tenderly.

She glanced over at him and wordlessly shook her head no. He moved into the room, silently closing the doors behind him and sat slowly at the end of the bed. He too stared a little at his hands.

"I realize that you may be a little angry with me," he looked at her and then continued more softly, "and I feel I need to tell you something."

Cora held her breath.

"You see, I am a man of duty. From the time I was just a child, I've had the weight of my father's title on my shoulders. Bedtime stories all seemed to be about 'the little lord' who loved his estate. Funnily enough, the stories seemed to have their effect, and I do. I do very much. I have responsibilities as the future earl and I hold them as the highest priority in my life. My ultimate duty to Downton is to keep it safe…and because of you, I feel like I may have succeeded. So, thank you. I'm grateful, Cora. Really."

She gave him a small sideways grin and exhaled. "I'm glad your Downton is safe, Robert. Truly. I am."

Robert returned the grin and held out his hand to her, asking for her affection. She put her left hand in his and saw the bands on her finger glint in the soft light.

"_Our_ Downton," he whispered, gripping her hand for moment before leaving her again alone in her room.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning was a blur of rushed and scrambled actions. Cora had slept in, yet again, and the train taking the newlyweds on the first leg of their journey left in just three quarters time.

Cora had obediently done as she was bid by her maid, Emma, and the other maids summoned to hurry along "_that girl_"; and by either luck or some divine intervention, Cora was seated, gloves on her hands and hat on her head, in the carriage awaiting Robert just in time. Robert climbed in, nodded a good morning to her, and they were on their way.

As the trap began to rock and bounce along the drive to the station, Cora glanced up at her husband. She had feared since the morning after her wedding that she wouldn't quite know how to act around Robert on this trip; after all, she was to be alone with him for nearly a month, with the exception of their servants. However, to her surprise, she felt very much at ease sitting next to him now, more at ease than at any other time during the past week – she felt like she had during their courtship: at home with him. Perhaps it was what he said last night that reassured her she had not indeed made a mistake. _Our Downton_, she heard him say again in her thoughts. She allowed the tension in her shoulders to relax and subsequently a soft sigh escaped her.

Robert looked over at her, his expression kind. "I'm glad we started out on time."

Cora smiled and tilted her head toward him slightly, "Oh, so am I!"

They looked into each other's eyes for a moment before Cora blinked at him, dismissively, and looked out of the window next to her.

"You look quite nice this morning."

Cora chuckled softly, glanced down at her lap and gloves, and then up at Robert. "Do I? To be honest I'm not even sure of what I'm wearing I dressed in such a rush." Laughing lightly again, she looked back to the scenery outside.

After a moment, she could sense Robert's eyes on her and also sensed a bit of uneasiness in his silence.

She slowly brought her eyes back up to his and gave him a warm grin, "But thank you for saying so, Robert."

She couldn't help but to notice that at the sound of his name Robert visibly relaxed and grinned back at her. He nodded, again, and followed her example by watching the trees and puddles slip by his carriage window.

Cora lowered her chin and squinted her eyes at Robert thoughtfully.

"Robert."

He looked at her expectantly, "Yes?"

Cora studied his expression carefully, now regretting calling out his name. She wanted to know what he expected of this trip. She wanted to know what _she_ expected, really. However, she did not want to spoil the calm she had mysteriously reacquired in her interactions with him. "Never mind."

"No. Tell me. What is it?"

"It's only," she paused, creating something to say other than the subject that would bring up the uneasiness she was sure it would. She searched his blue eyes for a moment, hoping to find inspiration there, but failing. Instead, that familiar warmth she felt whenever she got a chance to look at him closely kindled in her breast and she shook her head. "It's only…I like train rides."

He peered at her skeptically.

"What?" Cora raised her eyebrows and shook her head, turning her face away from his. "I do. I find them enjoyable."

Robert laughed amusedly, he too looking away.

Cora snuck glances at him out of the corner of her eye. Chin held high, he gazed upon their natural surroundings through the window, slowly drumming his fingers on his knee. The sight of him made her smile, and she too threw her chin high and watched the drizzle of rain form droplets of water on the glass window.

They remained like this, quiet but content, until they reached the station.

Once they had arrived, the rain had begun to fall harder and their driver made special effort to help Cora out of the carriage under the shelter of an umbrella. She gripped his arm appreciatively as they crossed under the roof of the station. The moment she stepped onto dry ground, she felt Robert's hand grasp her arm.

"Thank you for helping her, Davis," he stated, pulling her closer to him.

"Of course. Safe travels, my lord. My lady." Davis tipped his hat and then disappeared into the bustle of people back toward the carriage.

"Now then," Robert said looking above the heads of the crowd, "to find our platform…" he peeked down at Cora, "_my lady_."

Cora beamed up at him. Although maybe more noticeable to her, she was pleased he had also noticed others using her new title. A title that he gave her.

Together, Cora's arm clutched securely by her husband's hand, they made their way to the correct platform and found their seats in the first class coaches.

Cora nearly bounced on the seat as she looked around their coach and at people still boarding from the platform. Robert slowly took his seat next to her, grinning at her excitement.

"You do enjoy trains, then?" he snickered.

Cora threw him a playful look and then resumed watching the excitement outside the train.

"I assume you enjoy boats, too?"

Cora turned to him again, smirking. "Lucky for you, I do. How else would I have gotten to England?"

Robert gave a small laugh and reached for her hand, "Very lucky for me."

Cora, her heart melting at his words and at the warmth of his alluring eyes, took a chance and moved closer to him on the seat; closer and closer until her hip touched his and their elbows knocked against each other's. Careful with her hat, she rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes blissfully, not caring if anyone saw. She was happy in this moment and she endeavored to keep it that way.

* * *

A quiet train ride, on which she fell asleep, a several hour interlude in Portsmouth, and then a shorter ferry ride to the Isle of Wight brought them to their first destination just in time for a late dinner.

Cora went quickly to her room in their hotel to change into something appropriate for dinner. She was dressed in a deep red dress with gold and black trimming, intricate detailing shimmering along the bodice. She wore a diamond necklace she had received as a wedding gift with a ruby drop dipping toward the plummeting neckline of her dress. Her porcelain skin was such a contrast to her dark hair and red dress that she nearly appeared to be a living painting reflected back to her in the mirror. Her spirits high, she waited for Robert to escort her down to dinner.

It was a lovely setting. Hundreds of white candles flickered throughout the dining room washing it in a soft golden glow. They moved past dozens of other very fashionably dressed parties, all of whom seemed to be smiling quietly at one another, raising their brows in polite appreciation of the conversations, and sipping expensive wines through pursed lips. Flowers, soft voices, and a tangible mirth filled the room of tables, cherry wood colored chairs, and crisp white tablecloths.

Their host waved his hand in front of the table that was to be their own. It was in a cozily secluded corner of the great room, and a velvet curtain hung near it, so that they could be part of the room if they chose or so they could enjoy some privacy.

"Oh, how lovely," Cora remarked as the host pulled out her chair for her.

Robert nodded and asked the host for some champagne as Cora indiscreetly looked around. Her bright eyes, even more startlingly blue in the glow of the candles, danced about the room.

"Do you see anything you like?"

She looked over at Robert who was reading off the menu card. She picked hers up from in front of her and read over the list of courses that they would be served tonight.

"It all sounds so delicious. I like it all - especially the asperges d'argenteuil, oh, and the sorbet au champagne. Mmm, and petit fours, too."

Robert chuckled, glancing up at her radiant face for a moment.

A waiter came round, then, with the champagne and poured out. Without reservation, Cora plucked up her glass by the stem and drank the bubbling liquid.

"Have you been here before? To the Isle of Wight, I mean?" She asked as the waiter poured her another glass.

"Yes. My father enjoys traveling and, with him, we've been many places. Not very often do we travel domestically, though, we have been here."

"Oh," Cora held the champagne flute to her lips. "So, we'll stay here for a few days and then on to…"

"Back to Portsmouth, actually. We'll sail from there to Le Havre."

"And then Paris?" Cora smiled against the glass pressed to her lip.

Robert grinned at her obvious excitement and nodded at another waiter as he placed a beef consommé before them.

A few courses and more than several glasses of champagne later, the room was feeling a little smaller and warmer to Cora, and the soft voices from before seemed to be a little louder than when they had first arrived. Robert was being a darling, smiling and laughing with her over their meal, and Cora found herself giving him coy glances and biting her bottom lip. And before long, the petit fours were taken away and a tray of cakes and puddings was wheeled to their table.

Cora tilted her head toward the waiter, and proclaimed more loudly than she intended, "Oh how delicious everything looks, but I don't think I can eat another bite!"

"Very good, my lady."

Cora lifted her chin and studied the sweets as the waiter stood patiently by waiting on Robert to make a decision.

"Yes, I believe I'm…"

"Is that a chocolate Charlotte?" Cora interrupted, her eyes wide.

"Yes, my lady, with strawberries as well."

She pressed her lips together, grinning madly, nodded ever so slightly and placed her hands in her lap. The waiter gingerly placed the dessert in front of her and took his leave as Robert assured him he would have none.

Cora picked up her fork, cut into the Charlotte, and very slowly took a bite off of her fork, pulling the silverware out slowly between her lips. She closed her eyes, turned up her chin ever so slightly, and sighed contently.

When she opened her eyes, she caught Robert staring, his mouth slightly agape. She stared back, and licked the tiniest bit of chocolate off of her top lip with the tip of her tongue.

Robert cleared his throat and looked away hurriedly, throwing his eyes down and then around the room as Cora slowly leaned forward on the table.

Perhaps it was the champagne, but Cora felt invigorated and, if she had to name it, daring. Leaning over as far as she could without smashing the pudding on her chest, she simpered at Robert.

"Robert?" He looked over at her, and she noticed he glanced down at her chest. "Will you take me up now?"

Wordlessly, Robert stood, and Cora did as well. Once she did, she had to place her hand on the table to keep from swaying, for the room seemed to be tossing like a ship upon the waves. She giggled a little to herself at the realization that she was probably drunk, but she didn't care. She was with Robert, and she wanted Robert, and the champagne may have just given her the fortification she needed to go through with what she planned to do.

Weaving her arm through her husband's, together they made their way through the dining room and up one flight of stairs. Cora held tightly to Robert, pressing her body against his side, and felt him reply by squeezing her arm tighter to him.

They made their way up another flight of stairs. Cora tripped as they reached the landing, and Robert caught her waist, holding her tightly.

"Are you quite all right?" he breathed into her ear.

His breath on her neck was her undoing and she uninhibitedly crashed her lips onto his mouth, feeling his lips reciprocate her effort. She had never been kissed this way and it caused such new sensations within her that she deepened the kiss and pulled Robert closer to her.

They stumbled to her door, into her room, and fell on her bed, Robert on top of her, fiddling with his trousers and pushing up her skirts.

She felt his hands become frustrated, fumbling around all of her underthings: her petticoat, her chemise and drawers.

"Bloody hell," he grunted as he broke their kissing to see what he was doing.

"Shall I call my maid?" Cora suggested between heavy breaths.

Robert peered down at her, looking over her entire face and studying her eyes for several moments.

"Perhaps we should sleep," he said quietly, getting off of her and fixing his clothing.

Cora sat up and stared at him, "It's no trouble. She'd be here in an instant."

"We have an early start tomorrow." He walked away from her and reached the door.

"Robert! Wait…please?" Cora's chest rose and fell.

He paused with his hand on the doorknob.

"Please, be with me. I want you to," she couldn't hide the desperation in her voice.

"I can't." And with that Robert left her room.


	4. Chapter 4

_I can't. I can't. I can't. _Robert's words echoed in the empty room as Cora laid in the curtain-induced darkness. They made her sick to her stomach. _I can't._

"Oh, God," Cora groaned as a wave of nausea took over her body. She hadn't slept a wink. She rolled to her stomach, hung her head over the side of the bed, and stared as the curled ends of her hair swayed the tiniest bit until they stilled. She knew she was going to be sick.

She had tried, and failed, to lure her husband into her bed. No, that wasn't right. She _had_ lured her husband into her bed, but he had refused to stay. And why? She didn't have to rack her mind to know why. She knew. It was the reason she was sick, really. Embarrassment washed up with the next wave of nausea and she hung her head even lower. She wished she could undo what she had done; she wished she could turn back the clock to before dinner…but, then again, would that have really changed the way the evening ended?

Cora silenced her thoughts and heard the clock on the mantle tick through the early morning hours. She lifted her head slowly and focused on a spot on the bedside table near her. No, in all likelihood, the evening wouldn't have ended any differently. Robert would have left. She'd still be here, lying alone in this room, untouched and uncared for by her husband.

_Ding Ding Ding_… six o'clock now; only two more hours until she would need to be presentable. Evaluating the sickness lurking in her belly, she carefully rolled to her back and lay quietly. She tried to stop her nagging memory in hopes that she'd begin to feel better and get some sleep, but all efforts were for naught. His words from last night and the look in his eyes as he had searched her own were all too clear.

Cora breathed in deeply and shook her head very slightly. She wanted to sleep. If she slept she may feel better. Hopefully.

* * *

"Good morning, milady!" Emma, her maid, greeted briskly as she pulled the curtains back, allowing sharp swords of the sun's rays into the room.

Cora squeezed her eyes tightly and complained, "Too bright."

"Are you ill, milady?" her maid looked at her with a worried expression.

Cora opened one eye and paused for a moment. There was no more nausea, but her head pounded and throbbed. "Water, please?" she requested hoarsely.

Emma brought her a glass and Cora sat up and sipped gratefully.

"What's for breakfast this morning, Emma?" she asked setting the glass on the bedside table. Perhaps some toast and coffee, albeit British, would help her head.

"Oh, but, milady, don't you remember? You're to meet Lord Downton for breakfast. You're going out sight-seeing today."

Cora let her head fall back and she scrunched her face. "No," she grumbled, much like a child being made to study her lessons. She fell limply to her side and continued her complaints into her pillow. "Oh, Emma. I want to go home."

Her young maid sat on the edge of her bed and touched Cora's arm compassionately. "We'll be back at Downton soon, milady. Soon enough."

Cora opened her eyes at the name of "Downton" and realized that her maid didn't know what she had meant. Cora didn't want to go back to Downton. She wanted to go home. _Her _home. She wanted to feel the warm, salty breeze on the veranda of her summer home in Newport, it whipping through her hair that she'd worn down her back. She wanted to sit in the white rocking chair there with her friend, Margaret, and watch the sailboats on the water, all boasting a fluttering Star-Spangled Banner. She wanted bacon, real bacon, the thin, crispy pieces that accompanied her dark, rich coffee, and her very large, fluffy pancakes.

Of course, she wouldn't have those things now. Not anymore. Her home was to be cold, windy, and surrounded by fields and rolling hills as far as she could see. It was lovely, of course, but the goal of this arrangement wasn't simply to move somewhere lovely. It was to be accepted. The stain of "new money" back at home was indelible; for a time it seemed like here may be different – Robert and his society had accepted her. However, she had been mistaken. Her money had been accepted, but apparently she had not.

So, an hour later, when Cora climbed into the open carriage and met Robert for the first time that morning, for he had eaten without her, she felt hollow, like the coastal gusts were whipping right through her and numbing her.

The pair, with their driver, trotted through towns, and alongside rocky beaches, and then overwhelming cliffs. It looked unreal; the way the sapphire water juxtaposed the tall, gray earth was undoubtedly beautiful, but Cora's spirit did not feel enlightened by it.

She sensed Robert stirring next to her and she knew he'd speak soon. She wished he wouldn't. She was content to sit here in silence. She didn't want to talk about last night.

"How did you sleep?" he asked delicately.

Cora kept her focus on the view. "Fine," she lied.

He looked around a bit, awkwardly. The silence between them was louder and more uncomfortable than she'd ever noticed it to be before, but it was better than talking. Please, no more talking.

"You'd had a bit to drink," he added.

Cora's face caught fire and the urge to jump out of the carriage and bury her head into the ground was nearly impossible to resist. She wouldn't respond to that. She couldn't. She was ashamed of her behavior.

"I was worried," he then conceded quietly.

Cora heard and furrowed her brows. "Were you?" her tone was dangerously flat.

"I was."

This time, however, instead of embarrassment she felt something new, something stiffer, something more biting. She felt anger. It swelled and swelled inside her chest and she found herself gripping her skirt and shaking her head.

"Don't do that," she warned.

"What?" Robert looked confused.

"Mock me." Cora was shaking.

Robert looked around again and seemed to be absolutely flabbergasted. "How, pray tell, have I mocked you?"

For the first time that day, Cora looked at Robert. Her eyes were piercing and cold. "If you were really worried about me, you wouldn't have left." She looked away again hurriedly.

Robert, seeming to become angry himself, leaned toward Cora, "You know _exactly_ why I left."

Cora pushed out a breath and whipped her face to his. "I doubt it."

"I was trying to be honorable."

"Honorable?" she spat.

"I didn't want to take advantage of you!" His expression was severe and his eyes were stern.

Cora leaned in closely and looked into his eyes.

"You already have," she seethed and sat back, crossing her arms in front of her.

Robert was stunned and quiet, also sitting back and taking in deep breaths next to her.

"You knew what this was," he continued after a moment. The tone of his voice was very matter-of-fact. The sharpness of his earlier words had been dulled considerably. "I never gave you any inclination of any feelings more than those of friendship. I want you to be comfortable and I want you to feel appreciated. For you are. You are very much appreciated. But there's something that I want you to remember," he paused here and looked at the profile of Cora's face. "I'm not the only one who has taken advantage of someone."

As Robert looked away, Cora looked down, guilt now quickly filling the hollowness that she felt earlier. Her arms remained crossed in front of her, but now instead of a defensive shield, she held herself, hugging her stomach that now felt so heavy. Although Robert did not sincerely mean to hurt her, and all he said was true, she had never heard him speak of his feelings for her, or rather, lack thereof. It hurt, but she was grateful for it. Robert was right, of course. He was good to her and she had, indeed, married him for reasons beyond emotion. But the fact of the matter was, there was emotion on her part. She was in love and no matter how she tried, or how paradoxical it seemed, she was falling more deeply in love with him even now.

They sat in the silence that Cora had longed for earlier, then, the horse trotting along in the sunshine, the driver dutifully pretending as if he had heard none of their argument, and the sapphire water sparkling the same way it did as Cora had gazed upon it moments ago.

As they stopped for luncheon, both Cora and Robert sat in the carriage minutes longer than they needed to, even after the horse had been tied to a post. Robert had nodded to their driver and watched him walk away.

"Are you alright?" Robert's voice came unexpectedly.

Cora couldn't bring herself to look at him, for fear she may cry, and instead she answered a meek, "Yes," and waited for him to continue.

She heard Robert swear under his breath as he sighed heavily. She peered up at him and then back down again. "I'm not very good at expressing myself…appropriately."

Cora looked at him. He was concentrating on his hands, his thumbs rubbing one another nervously.

"Nor am I very adept at deciphering some of the emotions of my female relations." This last confession seemed to be a struggle for him to say. Cora hated to admit it, but she knew she had been a little more than contrary this past week, which wasn't truly in her nature.

"I think I'm a little to blame for that," Cora owned, giving Robert a guilty look. "It's just, I'm afraid I was so accustomed to the attention I received while we were courting, that I only assumed…well, that I'd be receiving the same amount of affection."

"Oh. I didn't know. I…I feel a little foolish. You see, I wanted to give you more attention as well as…visit…you, but I assumed you'd want your space to get…settled, as it were," Robert eyed Cora with an expression of both confusion and relief.

"It appears we've been at cross-purposes," Cora laughed a small laugh and Robert mimicked her response.

"Yes, it does."

They sat quietly, enjoying comfort as the reward of their successful quarrel.

"You look very nice today, Cora," Robert complimented, holding out his hand to her and giving her a warm grin.

Cora took his hand and held it. Looking into his eyes she couldn't help but to return the grin and blush. "Thank you, Robert."


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the day and then dinner had been spent pleasantly together. It wasn't as the previous day had been, Cora nuzzling on Robert's shoulder or coy smiles passed between one another across the table, but it had been comfortable and an air of expectation had dissipated. Cora found herself worrying less and less about what Robert was thinking of her, or feeling for her, and she could sense Robert was relaxing around her as well. So, at dinner when offered more wine, Cora politely declined, not needing any supplement to ease her nerves as she and Robert talked across the table. It was mostly just trivial conversation, discussing mutual acquaintances and remaining plans for their journey together. Though however trivial the conversation, it was also an important one. Cora needed to know that they could do this: be with each other without any further false pretenses. And as dinner slowly transitioned from the main course to a selection of sweets from a dessert cart, Cora felt that perhaps, although unloved, she could be content in this marriage. Robert was right, after all; the main reason she had married him was for position, which he had given her. And although there was no denying that she loved him, she pushed it from her mind, deciding that friendship and contentment should be the first prizes won.

After dinner, Robert escorted Cora back up to her room, just as he had the night before, only without her stumbling up the stairs. As they reached her room he smiled down at her.

"Good night, Cora. Sleep well."

She thanked him for the well wishes and left him at her threshold as she closed the door quietly behind her. Emma had dressed her for bed and that was where she rested now, reading a book she had found on one of the shelves back at Downton. She wasn't enjoying the book, as it was rather an arduous read. Cora glazed over some of the terminology that she wasn't familiar with, rubbed a corner where paper met cover between her thumb and forefinger, and she stumbled her way through it. Having had plenty of time to read on this trip, she had somehow made it to the middle of the book, but without knowing what it was about.

As she turned the page of her book, unenthusiastically anticipating what the author had in store next, she heard a small knock at her door. Emma had only left moments ago, and Cora assumed it was her maid again, to lay out what she'd wear tomorrow. So she called a quick, "come in," and continued to read.

A second later there was another soft knock.

Cora slowly looked up from the page of the book, very gradually realizing at the second knock that perhaps this was not her maid after all. She slipped out of bed, tied her dressing gown around her, and padded very quietly toward the door.

"Yes? Who is it?" she whispered through the wood, her hand gripping the cool doorknob.

"It's me, Robert," came the answer, as hushed as the question.

Cora's eyes opened a little wider and she looked around her room, unsure of what to do next.

"May I come in?" he whispered through the door.

Cora unlocked the hotel room door and opened it slightly to let Robert pass through. She closed the door behind him and turned the key to lock it back.

He stood in her room, clad in pajamas and dressing gown. He seemed to be looking at everything in her room except for her.

"I'm glad to see you've been assigned a nice room. I did request that."

Cora loosened her grip on the knob behind her back and stood a little straighter and more away from the door. She laughed inwardly at Robert's awkward attempt at small talk, as he had been in her room only the night before, albeit briefly. Cora nodded in response, though, and pulled her dressing gown tighter around her slender form.

"I trust the bed is comfortable," Robert continued peering at her unmade bed, the book lying cover up in the center of it.

Cora blushed childishly at his mention of her bed, both from the expectancy of why he might be in her room and from the lasting embarrassment from last night. When he didn't hear a response, Robert looked over at her and seemed to realize the hidden double meaning that Cora had somehow contrived.

Robert blushed in return. "I only meant…"

Cora walked toward him and shook her head. She chuckled a little, standing in front of him now.

She heard Robert take a short breath and he nodded slightly, furrowing his brow. He stood silently for a moment longer.

"Is there something you wanted, Robert?" she murmured across the distance between them.

She thought she knew, really, why Robert was here. Why shouldn't he be here? It was their honeymoon, after all, and they'd only been together once in the week that they'd been married. The day's events lent themselves easily to what might now happen. The argument they had had, the explanation of their unusual behaviors, and then the remainder of a pleasant day they had shared comfortably in one another's presence seemed to point to a night shared between them.

"I thought I would bed you tonight."

Cora's breath caught in her chest, and unable to hide her expression of slight shock at his choice of words, Robert grimaced.

"I meant, thought I would share a bed with you tonight…"

She smiled at his beet-red face. Robert sighed a little, "I don't seem to be very good at this."

Cora laughed uncomfortably and yet with complete understanding. "Well," she remarked, "if it helps to make you feel any better, I haven't a clue what it's supposed to be like…save for our wedding night," she added softly.

Robert exhaled, softly shaking his head. "Neither have I." He turned from her and sought a chair near them, slumping down in it.

Cora was confused. Hadn't all young men of his age and position been with a woman? Her countenance must have given her away, because Robert made a small noise in his throat. Cora's eyes flitted down to his and she attempted to say something, but didn't. She only moved her mouth a little instead.

"No. It's alright," he stated in a tone that sounded quite like finality. He rose from the chair. "Good night. I am sorry to bother you."

Cora reached out and touched his arm as he passed her.

Robert looked around the room and then at his wife, her sparkling eyes searching his own, with a lost expression in them.

"I'm sure you want me to go, now that I've made a fool of myself."

"No, of course not." Cora felt the shape of his muscle beneath the silk of his dressing gown. She slid her fingers slowly from his sleeve and tilted her head a little to the side. "You know that I don't. And I don't think you're a fool."

Robert smiled at her and Cora's heart grew ten times inside her chest.

"I'm glad of that," he muttered and they stood silent.

Drawing courage from Robert's presence, Cora was the first to break the silence. "Now what?" her voice was very quiet, but she couldn't mask the joy she felt within her now. It was a queer joy, as she felt very anxious at physically being with him again. She remembered the slight sting she felt a few nights ago. However, as anxious as she was, she prayed that this marriage wouldn't only be the business deal he had made it in his mind to be. She wanted him to visit her, pain or no, so that perhaps they could grow together as partners. She wanted him to visit her without only one intention – to conceive a son and heir. And here, tonight in her room, she felt the beginning of the partnership manifesting.

Robert stepped closer to her and raised his hand to her cheek, cupping her impossibly youthful face in his palm and threading his fingers in her dark brunette hair. He ran his thumb along the soft skin of her cheek, and Cora leaned into his hand, closing her eyes at his touch. Her heart softly burned within her chest.

She sensed him drawing closer to her, closer and closer until his lips pressed against her own. At contact, the overwhelming sensation she felt last night built within her. However, without the boldness of intoxication, she felt intimidated at the tingling tonight, and hesitantly broke their kiss, bringing her fingers up to her lips and casting her eyes away from him.

He moved his hand away from her cheek and grasped her waist, very gently pulling her against his body. With her body pressed against his, the tingling began again, and she closed her eyes, feeling lusciously warm.

His lips resumed their place against her own, but this time the kiss felt wetter and softer, as if by his touch every inch of her body was somehow now hypersensitive. She parted her lips slightly and tasted his mouth, salty and a slight hint of whisky on his breath. She brought her lips together around his, wanting more of the taste. At her response, Robert pulled her harder against him until her feet were nearly off of the ground and deepened their kiss, tasting her mouth and lips harder and more fervently than she had ventured to do. Every touch felt intensified and she could no longer ignore the tingling, nor where she felt it the strongest. It frightened her, but it a completely delicious way.

She slightly pushed away from him and looked up into his eyes, catching her breath. He still held her tightly to him, his expression as he searched her eyes was dark and alluring and although having little experience with this look, she could sense his desire to have her. Oh, more tingles.

"Cora?" he breathed roughly.

She couldn't talk, only nod furiously in his arms.

"May I see you?"

Cora furrowed her brows, confused at his whispered question, "What? What do you mean?" She was still trying to catch her breath. Why did she feel so breathless?

Unwrapping one arm from around her body, he very slowly began to move away her dressing gown from her chest, revealing the thin nightgown she wore underneath.

Understanding his meaning now, Cora felt her face grow hot. She nodded again, this time barely moving her head to make the motion.

He began kissing her again, more tenderly this time, moving his hands along her dressing gown, untying the silky knot, pushing the fabric off of her shoulders, and soon it was pooled around her feet.

He smiled against her lips and Cora's heart leapt. Oh, how she wanted to make him happy.

He paused their kissing to look down at her nightgown. He began to bunch up the fabric at her hips, her hemline rising against her legs, then her waist, and soon she helped him pull it over her head, her hair falling back down after the soft cotton dress was tugged off. There she stood, completely bare in the light-filled room, standing in front of her husband. She quickened her breathing, feeling more alive, and shy, than she'd ever felt, and tried to decipher the meaning behind Robert's silence.

After staring for a moment, Robert reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, feeling her skin with the backs of two fingers. He caressed her slowly and Cora felt goose bumps in the wake of his touch. He traveled slowly across her shoulder to her chest, and then paused, swallowing. With his thumb, he then gently felt the swell of her breast and Cora drew a sharp intake of breath, feeling immense pleasure in his ministrations.

Robert moved his hand away and looked at his wife. Then, like a mad man, desperately tore off his own clothing before her and then yanked her to his naked form, kissing her passionately, pulling her hair away from her face and holding her waist tightly against him. Cora felt him, hard, against her hips and she began to breathe more quickly as he kissed her. The anxiousness of any pain or stinging had completely evaporated, all that remained was longing as she cupped his face in her hands.

Similar to the night before, they tumbled back onto her bed, him crashing on top of her and kissing her neck. His hand found her book behind her back and he threw it across the room, then returned his hand to her breast and began to stroke and gently massage it. His hand then crept downward, between their bodies, until it touched the source of Cora's tingling. Cora opened her eyes at this and an unsolicited moan escaped her.

Robert, too moaned against her neck. He whispered her name against her ear, adding a small description of the way she felt, and said she was ready.

The sound of her name, hungry in his throat set her aflame. Cora arched her back, wanting him so badly it began to hurt. At this signal, Robert, without any warning or hesitation, moved inside of her, making a sound of pleasure as she felt him join their bodies together.

It happened so smoothly that it shocked Cora, and she stayed still and couldn't breathe for a moment. However, after gathering her senses, she began to move against him, unsure at first, but then with growing purpose.

They moved together, Robert's hands never ceasing to touch her body or kiss her neck, until, like the first time, he grew rigid above her and then exhaled, dropping his head onto her shoulder.

Unlike the first time, however, as Cora touched his hair behind his ear he did not flinch, nor gather up his belongings and escape her room. He rested there, atop of her, for some time, his breathing becoming more and more regular in her ear. Then, after regaining strength, he rolled off of her and beside her, his arms above his head. Cora, having cooled down moments before, reached down for the sheets to cover herself, feeling slightly exposed once again.

They didn't speak, just lied there beside one another both awake. Robert stared up at the ceiling and Cora snuck glances at him as she pulled the sheets up closer and closer, until they were nearly at her chin. She thought it a strange juxtaposition of feelings, being so bashful with him now that they had just been so intimate with one another.

"Thank you," Robert ventured, still staring up.

Cora nodded beside him.

Robert turned his head to look at her for a moment and hummed. "I suppose that's an odd thing for a husband to say to his wife."

Cora raised her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders. "Yes, but I suppose we're an odd husband and wife."

Robert laughed heartily and looked back up at the ceiling. "Yes, yes. I suppose that we are."

His laugh surprised Cora and she smiled to herself, loosening the clutch she had on her sheets.

Robert turned back to look at her, this time his expression more serious, "I didn't hurt you, I hope."

Cora shook her head no. She felt soreness, not only a little on the outside, but this time inside of her as well, but strangely didn't mind it. "No, I'm not hurt."

Robert nodded and continued a little quieter. "I was told I would hurt you and that you may bleed that first night. It was quite an intimidating act to perform."

Cora nodded slightly, looking away from him. "Was it?"

"Mm. But it was expected. Actions are always easier to perform when they're expected of you."

"I guess for most," she responded quietly.

Robert sighed, looking at her intently for a moment, and then turned his head up again. They remained quiet until Cora adjusted her position and very quietly cleared her throat.

"Robert, may I ask you something personal?"

He brought his attention to her, bringing his arms down beside his body and nodding. "Yes, you may. What is it?"

"Was…was I your first as well?" Cora regretted the question as soon as it had left her lips.

"No. Not really."

"Oh," she whispered, the sheets coming up to her lips and her eyelids lowering. In the quiet that followed, Cora feared what he could be thinking of. She wanted it to be of her.

Robert moved a little, drawing her attention. "But, yet, in so many more ways, you are." He said softly, and very thoughtfully.

At his words, she brought her eyes back up to his and they locked for a moment. An all too familiar lump formed in her throat and she swallowed it, exhaling a deep breath.

"Now, I'll leave you to rest."

She watched him dress himself quickly and leave her room, giving her a little smile before he left.

"Sleep well, dear Cora."

She smiled back at him and heard the doorknob click closed.

She slipped back on her nightgown from the floor, picked up her book that lay beside it, and crawled back into her bed, turning down the lamps before she rested against the pillows.

She lay there, on her side, peering into the darkness. Tonight she didn't feel that emptiness as he left her room. In fact, she felt a fullness. She thought that she had become his that first night, as they consummated their marriage. Tonight, though she realized she wasn't yet his. She felt a smile creep onto her lips and she sunk a tad lower into her bed. One day Robert Crawley would fall in love with her. One day she would become his. She expected it of him.


End file.
